Every marriage has them.
Your marriage will have them until your dying day.
They are unsolvable problems.
Unlike your solvable issues, the unsolvable ones rear their head throughout your relationship.
Isn't it good to know that?
I think it is.
You don't keep having NEW problems.
You get some version of the old one.
Maybe its sex. Or television. Housework. Parenting. Religion.
As Psychologist Dan Wile says in his book After the Honeymoon: "When choosing a long-term partner...you will inevitably be choosing a particular set of unsolvable problems that you'll be grappling with for the next ten, twenty or fifty years."
Can't you pinpoint some reoccurring issue in your own relationship?
Its totally not a big deal.
In fact, its normal.
This "problem" is the avenue that teaches us to turn toward (as opposed to turn away) in a NEW fashion. When we commit to turning toward in a way that honors ourselves and the other person, we then are removing judgment and feelings of superiority. We give up the need to be right.
You may have the same problem, but you can find a way to still be satisfied with your man and your marriage. You can learn to deal with a perpetual problem so it does not overwhelm the relationship.
Unfortunately, in some relationships, thoughts about perpetual problems eventually kill love. The husband and/or the wife make the problem mean something catastrophic.
They spin their wheels. The Four Horsemen become ever more present. Positive Sentiment diminishes.
The couple becomes emotionally disengaged, moving toward parallel lives and inevitable loneliness.
But it doesn't HAVE to be this way!
Tomorrow I will share with you the signs of Gridlock and what to do if you have locked horns regarding your perpetual problem.
Where we are in life proves what we are thinking. When we change our perspective, we can change our lives and our relationships.
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