Adults in relationships get to behave however they want. We know this is true because they do!
Nobody likes to follow another person's manual for how they should show up in life. When we are operating to please someone else, to be who they want us to be, to think how they think we are coming at it all wrong.
We cannot sustain action that comes from negative feelings. Feelings like obligation do not create good results. And try as we may, when something is not important to us, we have a hard time remembering it, even if it is important to someone we love.
When we make our husband's preferences mean that he does or does not love us, we are setting him up to prove himself over and over and he will always fail.
Letting your husband be who he wants to be is not the equivalent of letting him walk all over you. If he tends to get angry and yell, you can set a boundary.
You might say, "Hey, I am not going to do this right now. I will talk with you when you are not yelling." A boundary does not try to manipulate or control the other person. It simply just states what you will do in a situation. It is controlling yourself, how you show up and how you behave. It is not a threat. It does not come from a place of anger.
Sometimes couples will relate in a parent to child fashion. One nags and controls, and so the other responds as a rebellious teen. Or one is sloppy and messy and the partner responds as a parent.
Examine if you are taking on anything other than an adult role in your relationship with you man. If you are notice you are trying to control, work to make the change.
Where we are in life proves what we are thinking. When we change our perspective, we can change our lives and our relationships.
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