We are drawn to confident people. They seem to have something we all want.
Self-confidence impacts how we explore the world and how we show up in our life and relationships.
True confidence is based not on what you do, but who you perceive yourself to be and what you perceive yourself to possess. Identity is at the base of this confidence. And from that sense of identity comes the action you take or don't take. Its all about how secure you feel or don't feel.
As Believers, we know that our true foundation is Christ.
He is the solid. The steady. The constant.
When we build our life with Him as our foundation, we have true confidence that comes from knowing who we are, whose we are and, because of that, all that is available to us, including prolific love and provision for all our needs.
The more we know about Jesus and engage with Him, the more we believe. When we believe in his capability, sovereignty, goodness and love, the more confidence we have. When our identity is that of being his daughter, the more confident we are.
This confidence brings peace, joy and empowered living because it is based on security.
I remember studying parent-child bonding in college and how secure attachment was the foundation for confidence. John Bowlby and Mary Ainsworth developed a theory known as attachment theory to explain how the parent-child relationship emerges and provides influence on subsequent behaviors and relationships.
In studies, children who were securely attached showed some distress when their parents left, but were able to compose themselves knowing that their parent would return. They tended to be more independent and were willing to leave their secure base and explore, trusting that their parents were their for them and responsive if they needed them. The studies concluded that because of a secure attachment to a caregiver, a child would grow to have higher self-esteem, better self-reliance and would bond well with others.
Further studies correlating perceived relationship with God and psychological health (confidence and emotional security), conclude that a relationship with God as a loving father helped bring healing to adults who formed insecure attachments to caregivers in childhood. With God as a secure base, these adults were able to have more confidence to take risks in trusting others.
Where is your confidence found? Do you seek it in validation from others? In your achievements? In your relationships?
Is your identity based on your family of origin or could you seek it in your royal lineage as being the daughter of a loving king?
What if you put your energy toward believing even more that God loves you and has your back 100%? What if you decided to go all in and trust him, despite your doubts or desire to do things your own way?
When we decide to believe with all our hearts no matter what, we see it in our actions. I encourage you to take action and lean into Him as your secure foundation. When all else around you seems sinking sand, you can have True Confidence in the one who made you, loves you and wants a relationship with you.
If your life was your favorite book or movie you would value every part. It is each chapter and scene that make the story.
You love a story not because it is linear, but because it has dimension. It has ups and downs. It has a climax. Drama. Humor. It has a scene where you think there is no hope, but then things take a twist.
Lets start and fast forward through a classic movie and bullet point some notes:
If you erased all the parts where things felt unpleasant, the story would not be interesting. The good parts would not be elating. It is the contrast that makes the story so rich.
In your marriage, you have all the parts that make for a great story.
There is the part where your husband does __________ and you feel ___________.
There is the part where XYZ happens and you feel __________.
Then there is the other part where you ________ because _________.
In my marriage there is the part where I feel giddy. And annoyed. And happy. And mad. And bored. And excited. And disappointed. And in love.
Those are all the parts. When the part comes where I feel the feeling I don't love, I just notice that my thought is creating that feeling and I can just allow it or I can change my thought.
When I am not ready to totally change my thought, I just sort of change it by thinking, "This is the part where I think this thought and feel anxious."
And then its not so bad. It is just part of the story. And who doesn't love a good story?
Where we are in life proves what we are thinking. When we change our perspective, we can change our lives and our relationships.
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