Sometimes we fight like our survival is at stake. Maybe that's because our fights are embedded with hidden dreams. Other times we just like to be right.
Even if it feels like a dream is at stake, we can change the way we talk it. When we accept different perspective of reality and turn toward in a honest and loving way, we move from gridlock to dialogue.
When we fight to win, what is the benefit? Fighting to win implies that the other person loses. But in marriage, aren't you on the same team?
Before you assert your right to be right or have the last word, ask what you really are fighting for. In situations where a compromise is in order, ask what is the small area that is non-negotiable for you and the larger area you are willing to compromise.
Regarding your conflict in marriage, I am not asking you to a be a silent martyr always catering to the other person's wins. That only creates bitterness, distance and resentment. You don't have to be wrong, but by knowing what is at stake and softening how you talk about disputable issues, you can resolve a lot of pain in your relationship.
Where we are in life proves what we are thinking. When we change our perspective, we can change our lives and our relationships.